At 86, former educator Dr. Sylvia Little still considers herself a student, particularly when it comes to communicating across generations. “I have experienced different challenges in my life with regard to communication,” Little said. “As a former educator and now at the ripe, old age of 86, I can honestly say I remain a learner.” Little has watched expectations surrounding language and communication change throughout her life. She prefers a more formal approach, while younger generations often communicate differently. Understanding those differences, she says, requires adapting without necessarily abandoning her own style. Dr. Little isn’t alone in this. People across every generation are working through different, often conflicting, ideas about the right way and the right time to communicate. As technology and language keep reshaping how people connect, those generational gaps don’t just cause confusion and frustration; they can also open the door to real understanding between people who see communication very differently.
Kelly Cook is a former music teacher and also a singer and musician. Cook has taught at The University of North Texas and was a University of Texas Fellow in the Voice Department. He currently lives in Norman, Oklahoma. At the age of 62, he has seen the industry change but emphasizes the fact that in the music business, the key is talent and what you have to contribute. Age isn’t a factor if you’re worth your contributions to the mission of the goals of the industry.
“In my business I have seen a shift in attitude towards my craft and my expertise as I have aged. I am not caught up in my own age, but cognizant that it is a real thing.” Cook said.
Ashley Thomas is a 36-year-old mother and wife who lives outside of Austin. Like Little and Cook, she has had to adjust her communication to speak to her new primary audience, her young children. “My life changed dramatically when I decided to leave my job as a teacher and stay home full time to raise my family. My communication is primarily with two toddlers, two teenagers and my husband.” Thomas said. She has noticed that her level of engagement with her kids and her husband is key to cracking the communication code in conversations with other stay at home moms and their children. Thomas is also aware that some adults communicate with her differently.
However, her greatest confusion often comes from trying to decipher how her own teenagers communicate, not only with her and her husband, but how they interact with their peers. Her observations are often met with a desire to navigate how to talk to people of all ages and understand.
“I feel like I have to try harder to act a certain way with my kids when I’m out and about with other people or even my friends. I definitely have perfected my communication style with my own family, but it still seems different. I’m not sure if it’s because my kids are young and that is my day to day, or if it is just the way things have changed?” Thomas said.
All three subjects said they have faced some sort of ageism in their own minds, as well as interactions in their daily lives. Little, Cook and Thomas are all aware of how things have changed as they have gotten older.
“I thought I fit in just fine on the set of a local production and called a fellow castmate a dude. He was considerably younger and just laughed. I just didn’t realize until that day that I was the old guy and no longer a dude myself.” Cook said.
While they don’t see these changes as problems, necessarily, they see it as a challenge to keep true to themselves, but also an opportunity to examine how their own experiences influence their communication. They all said they lament that as things change in communication they are surprised, frustrated and hopeful about the changes and how rapidly they feel somewhat out of touch across generational communication.
“I enjoy face time with my son and my granddaughter. It isn’t the same as being in person but it does make our communication cross the generational divide.” Little said.
Cam Marston, a speaker, author and President of Generational Insights, a consulting, speaking and research firm, said in an article that Baby Boomers are “a collaborative generation” that shows a preference toward group decision-making and building consensus with in-person interactions. Generation X, according to Marston, prefers the digital touch such as asynchronous email chains until a face-to-face meeting is necessary. He notes that older generations are more formal in their communications, while younger ones communicate in shorter methods, including through the use of emojis, to get their points across.
“Generational communication has always been around. The way people talk to each other has always been about age differences and communication styles. Social science doesn’t have a straight answer.” said Eunju Lee, a doctoral student in human development and family science at The University of Texas.
The hope for Little, Cook and Thomas is that these communication styles can bridge generational gaps, if people come to the table as receptive participants trying to make sense of a changing world and the communication styles it entails.
